Day to Day
The sky is full of emotion. Clouds in various hues of gray unleash fantastical images above Fidler’s Pond as I walk briskly with the dog. The sun glows behind the gray and the wildflowers shine along the edge of the dark waters. We somehow timed our arrival just right: ten minutes earlier and we would have been caught in a torrential downpour. Now, the air is fresh and a breeze blows lightly across the pond as the sun tries to come out. I needed this walk today. Instead of the usual light jog, I take my time, breathe in deeply, thankful for nature’s way of soothing my spirit.
This last week, I have been doing double duty. Above and beyond my usual routine, I’ve been helping out my mother as she approaches her 95th year. The time with her is precious and I give it willingly. I have learned to switch gears between these two worlds. In the one, I move from one job to another like a butterfly flitting between flowers, wings spread, focused, taking it all in. In the other, I slow down and become a turtle, taking small steps as needed to get from here to there, pondering, responding as needed, not letting the clock dictate my movements.
My own life pushes me forward, makes me look ahead, nudges me to keep creating and producing. My mother’s life reminds me to look back, survey the past, take the time to think and just live. I’m still in the middle of my life work, making memories. My mother is at the end of her life, soaking in the memories.
These days, I walk back and forth between these parallel worlds that are connected by blood. It’s not always an easy path. Life can go smoothly on both sides until it doesn’t. That’s when I have to take a step back, and find the time to take a walk between the May raindrops. Or invite friends over for a special meal and lovely conversation like we did last night. When I throw myself into house and meal preparation, I’m breathing at my own pace, I’m moving in my own space, I’m totally here, doing this. I wrap the asparagus with bacon, I slather the pork roast with a spicy marinade, I add the right amount of molasses to the baked beans to make them perfect, I smell the tangy limes as I zest them for Key Lime Cake.
As we sit around the table and eat and talk, this is my world right now. And it prepares me for tomorrow, when I’ll have to straddle the two worlds again. My mother has been a huge part of my life and I will try to be a part of hers until the end. I’ll keep collecting the stories, the feelings, the details of her life well lived. That just might be what Mother’s Day is about for me these days.
