January has turned on me. It came in full of hope, new dreams and good intentions. Now halfway through, it parcels out worry, drama, pain and insomnia. And this isn’t just me I’m talking about. I hear it from friends and family.

In our household, our dog’s surgery and a family member’s move out of her long-standing apartment have kept me on edge. I function for a few days on the brink of tears. And at night, when I should be resting, my brain turns on and tosses all of the daily events into the darkest corners then puts them on constant replay. In the seemingly endless flow of bleak gray days, I grasp for any brightness: a ray of unexpected sunshine, a kind gesture, a heartwarming meal. Sometimes, though, it’s okay to wallow and sit in the unease, let the tears flow, strip this life down to the hard bare bones. My routines give me structure through the chaos. Once I talk about it or process it in some way, I plod on knowing that I’ll make it through.

To get myself back on a positive track, I find humor in the small things, take walks in the brisk January air, look for comfort in the familiar. And of course, I hear my kitchen calling. Within its small space (and I mean small: it’s about 8 by 12 feet and the floor space even less!), I put my hands to work and take my mind along for the ride. I chop fresh ginger and it opens up my nose. I mince the garlic, a gift from my sister-in-law’s garden, and add to the smells in the air. I get a bowl down from the shelf. It’s the one I’ve had since we’ve been married, given to us by a family friend. I add pungent fish sauce, salty soy sauce. The crackers go into a ziplock bag and I pound them with my rolling pin. The motion wakes my body up. All of a sudden, I’m back. I grab some the mixture in the bowl, roll it between my palms and make a perfect ball. A smile comes back on my face.

Later, I go to Goshen Brewing Company to listen to some jazz and as I sit down, the man beside me turns my way. “ Hi! What’s the smiley face about?” I laugh. “I don’t know. I’m glad to be here, I guess.” Slowly, I’ve found my way back through the tears, back to the goodness of life, back to a positive outlook. I know I am an eternal optimist but even so we all have those breaking moments. To all of my friends and relations, and to my readers, hang in there. January is soon coming to a close. There will be days of pure sunshine, days of great goodness, days of true hope. In the meantime, get in the kitchen and make some familiar food. And here’s the recipe for those meatballs.

Asian-style Meatballs

2 T. peeled and minced ginger

1 T. minced garlic (from about 3 large cloves)

1 ½ t. fish sauce

1 t. soy sauce

2 t. fresh lime juice

1 t. freshly ground black pepper

1 t. fresh minced basil

½ t. kosher salt

½ cup finely crushed Club crackers

1 pound ground pork

In a large bowl, mix all the ingredients together. I use my hands to make sure everything is well incorporated. Shape into 1 ½ inch balls. Place on a parchment covered baking pan with a rim. Bake at 425° for 20 minutes or so, until done. Serve on top of stir fried vegetables and rice. Makes 18. I freeze what I don’t use to pull out later.