Finding Respite

These last August days arrive in full summer mode. They leave me wondering where summer went. Or maybe it’s just me, feeling like I haven’t done nearly everything I was hoping to do. There have been years where summer days flowed languorously by and each minute was filled with energy and light. Each twenty four hours contained enough time to work through my to do list and also allowed for leisure. And then there are years like this one when summer unfurls each day furiously and I hang on to each minute trying to desperately make each second longer. 

This year, I seem to have lost some energy to the pandemic. In every conversation that I have, the virus pops up. It makes its way through meetings and work and family gatherings. Though it hasn’t taken over my body, it has definitely taken over my life. Overwhelming at times, its shadow is always there. As summer slips by, I’ve come to see it as a persistent companion, elbowing its way into the precious minutes of each day. And though I try to keep it at bay, it’s always there, niggling, poking, prodding.

I’ve come to acknowledge its presence and in the process, I’m giving myself some extra grace and time. If the minutes slip by and aren’t productive, there’s a reason. I need those moments for myself to take distance from the world and put everything on hold. If I can’t always come up with an idea or keep on task, I know it’s because there’s a whole part of my brain that’s working through this new normal. It takes time to keep track of masks, of social distance, of frequent handwashing, not to mention those moments when I feel physically aware of possible symptoms. As Jim says jokingly, “By now, you’ve probably had Covid nine times.”

So, as this last week of August disappears forever, I remind myself to slow down, grant myself time to step aside from the usual routine, find ways to renew my energy through creating art or light reading or a hike in nature. And since I’m a baker, I find solace in those hours when my hands can work from muscle memory and my mind can lie still. It’s okay to do nothing, also, and to let go of everything for a few hours and just be.

I’ve found it easy to carry the worries but a lot harder to let them go. So that’s what I’m working on these days, looking for the calm in the storm. May you find respite as well.